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Using
My Life Purpose to Shift
the
Valentine's Day Paradigm
by
Jeff McFarland
What do you think of Valentine's
Day greeting cards? Personally, I find most of them
to be a prerequisite to a dose of Pepto Bismol. “I can't
live without your love.” “You make my life worthwhile.”
“My life had no meaning until I met you.” Each such
romantic expression is a testimonial to codependency
and weakness, or a prelude to a swoon. However, they
do have a great value and that is to enable us to examine
the notion of romantic love.
From the traditional perspective,
what is love? First, it is something that may be given
and felt. Secondly, it is something that I need to get
from someone else (e.g., “I need more love in my life.”)
And thirdly, my spouse, lover, or significant other
is responsible for regularly supplying me with enough
love that I can feel good about myself and life. And
what happens if my supply of love is cut off by the
departure, inattention, or indifference of my supplier?
Well, chances are I become fearful, angry, and resentful
and my life begins to feel empty, worthless, and devoid
of meaning. All because someone stopped giving me love.
Wow. So in order to feel good about myself and my life,
I'd better be “lucky in love” – you know, marry the
right person and hope that I can keep them in love with
me. It is pretty difficult to miss the fear and barely
disguised desperation that lurk beneath the surface
of traditional romantic love , isn't it?
Well, what happens if I purposefully
pivot away from this very limited conception
of love and , instead, view it from the perspective
of my Life Purpose? The paradigm shifts, that's what.
You see, my Life Purpose is predicated on the belief
that, spiritually, I am whole and complete. It is also
based on the belief that, as a spiritual being, I have
available to me an unlimited supply of wisdom, creativity,
love, compassion, peace, and joy. Thus, no one else
has to supply me with love and I am never at the mercy
of someone else's caprice – unless I choose to believe
that I am.
Does it sound like I have just stripped
all of the romance out of love? I hope not. Consider
the freedom associated with two people who believe themselves
to be channels, rather than consumers, of love and who
have come together to share their love with each other.
Consider a relationship that is unburdened by the demands
of “give me love so I can be happy.” Wouldn't this relationship
have a delightful lightness? Wouldn't it afford greater
opportunity for creativity and playfulness? This, to
me, sounds beautifully romantic.
So, what would my role be in such
a relationship? First and foremost, to express the love
I naturally am and have. Now, you might be thinking,
“Yeah, but none of us is perfect and there will be times
when one or the other of you is going feel depressed
or unloving. Then what?” Well, when my partner is struggling
emotionally, I need only acknowledge and accept that
that is how she feels and remember that the love that
I share will be a reminder to her of the love that she
is and already has. In this manner, my role in the relationship
shifts from fixing to supporting and inspiring.
With this new perspective comes a shift
of the Valentine's Day paradigm. Gone is weakness, need,
and codependency. In its place is strength, choice,
and inter-dependence. The truth of the matter is that
I can live without your love; I make
my life worthwhile; and my life has the meaning I give
it. I love you out of pure appreciation and because
I want to – not out of need.
Now, I ask you, what could be more romantic
than that?
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